A Lazy Afternoon
‘Bye mum, I’m going out’
‘Bye Andy, where you going? Will you be home for dinner?’
‘Dunno mum, no plans as such, just out and about so don’twait for me.’ And with that I shot out of the house with mum’s last commentstinging my ears. ‘Don’t be late!!’, damn I’m not a kid anymore. How good itfeels to be able to get away from it all, to get out of the house and loosethat feeling of heavy chains that trap my every movement and thoughts.
There’s a place, far off from civilisation, that I lovegoing to when these moods grip me. A place of staggering beauty, breathtakingviews and fresh clean sea air. Best of all though is that it is devoid of anyhuman presence, except for mine that is. I have never told anyone about thisplace and never intend to as I hope it to remain my secret refuge from thedrone of life. The quiet peacefulness of it all, the imposing cliffs, thegorgeous and quite scrumptious sunsets, the caressing sea breeze and therelaxing drone of the surf crashing against the shoals far below are thingswhich I yearn for. Sitting on my favourite rock almost on the edge of thecliffs and gazing out at the sea I feel like I am soaring high above the worldfree as a bird.
‘Ummph, urgh!’ Oh hell, my legs are soaked… something warmand slippery is dribbling down them. ‘Arrrgh!’ What the heck I was thinking. There’s a puddle ofblood at my feet and I can feel the warm trickle down my legs. I couldn’t movethem, they seemed jammed or even disconnected from me and there’s somethingsticking out of my stomach!
‘Now where did that come from?’
My thoughts were confused, blackness rolling aroundthreatening to overpower conciousness at any moment. ‘Where am I?’, ‘Whathappened?’, ‘Why do I have a rod sticking in me?’ I was struggling to get mybearings as the last I remember I was sitting on my throne! I felt no pain and that made things all the moreunrealistic as my eyes were telling me one thing while my body was not feelingit. Trying to get a grip on my senses I began to explore my surroundings but itwas harder than I thought as every muscle seemed to be disconnected from mybrain and it took a great effort to get some reaction from them. Slowly I beganto recognise things…. There was a dash board in front of me, but where is thesteering wheel, ok that dash board looks familiar! Ok, I got it now… I’m in mycar, I must have had an accident, but dammit, I don’t even remember gettinginto the car and driving off. I looked around a bit more, hopefully trying toget a glimpse of the coutryside around me, trying to make sense of it all andmy eyes settled on my mobile, snuggling sitting in its holder totallyundisturbed. A luagh broke out as I thought of the advert of the holder ‘So theads were true’ I thought! The overhead clock blinked the time – 6.38pm – hmmm Iwas meant to be meeting a friend in less than an hours time but I doubt I wasgoing to make it seeing my current predicament. Reaching out for the phone myright arm refused to budge, damn, ‘try the left hand then’ I thought and wiggledmy fingers to check if it was going to respond. Oh, how glad I was when I sawthem wiggle away, such a basic action which in normal times would go totallyunnoticed brought a rush of unquenchable hope in me in a split second. Reachingout was awkward to say the least but I manage to grip the phone and heave itover so that I could squint at the dial. It seemed so much heavier than Iremember it to be! It took me a moment to remember what I had to do yet Imanaged to browse through my contacts and found Ken’s number soon enough andhit dial.
‘Hello??’ Ken’s inquisative and impatient voice rebounded inmy head.
‘Ken? Hey listen to me mate, I gotta problem and doubt I’llmake it in time! Had a bit of an accident I’m afraid!’ Damn that was tiring…but I had to get the message across. There was a slight pause before Ken replied and I wasbeginning to wonder if I imagined his answer.
‘Andy??’ he bellowed, as confirmation that I hadn’t, ‘Whereare you, are you ok?’
‘Ermmm, I dunno’ Yup, I suddenly realised I had no ideawhere the heck I was and rushing in, almost tumbling over that thought cameanother ‘was there anyone else involved in the accident?’ I must have takensometime thinking about that as Ken bellowed into my ears again.
‘Errrm, I dunno’ I said again, ‘somewhere along the westcoast road I believe!’.
I think Ken said something after that but soon the line wasdead and I decided to look around and maybe work out where I am. I wassurprised at the peace and tranquility around me. An eerie silence seemed tohave descended on my part of the world. I was quite shocked, surprised at thesize of the pool of blood collecting at my feet. ‘There can’t be much leftinside me’ I mumbled out aloud! Time seemed to be trickling by, my movements(the little movement I could manage) and my thoughts seemed slow and lethargic,yet my eyes captured the surroundings as if I was watching a movie onfast-forward. It was as if time was running at two speeds concurrently. Time!For some reason thinking about time made me think of Mum & Dad. Asfrustrated as I might get when at home I still love my family loads, oceansfull actually, and I was debating whether to call home or not. I knew, if I didcall home, that I would cause a massive panic. In the end, maybe a minute, maybean hour later, who’s to tell with time bending and twisting as it was, Idecided to call and dialed my home number. The phone rang and rang, ages seemto have flown past me while I waited for someone to pick up that phone.
‘Come on Mum, I know you’re home!’ I said under my breadth!All my thoughts were being uttered, better to try and combat the silence whichhad descended on my world. ‘Come on!!’ I said again, willing someone to pick itup!
It always happens this way doesn’t it! As you’re about togive up on waiting and about to cut off someone answers. They always seem tosense the urgency of such a call.
‘Hello?’ Mum’s quavering voice…
‘Hi Mum, listen I got a problem….’
‘Are you alright, are you hurt, where are you……..’
I could sense her building up the panic as she rattled thequestions out frantically but I was impotent at quelling that panic. I justdidn’t have the energy to stem the tide.
‘Hold on, hold on… slow down Mum… listen….’ I said weaklyhoping she’ll listen..
‘Ok’ a small and weak whisper was her reply which meant shewas on the verge of hysterics but was bravely trying to fight!
Attamum, I thought feeling proud of her, but why must you beso quick to panic, I haven’t told you anything yet!
‘Mum, I need you to call an ambulance quick, tell them I gota stomach injury and I’m bleeding bad. I’m somewhere along the west coast road!Will you do that for me mum??’
Mum’s breathing was heavy and in thick and choking voice shemumbled something which sounded like an acknowledgment.
‘Mum?? You got that? I’m feeling tired Mum, and its startingto hurt like hell, I’m going to put the phone down mum, please call theambulance..’ I could hear her sobbing, gulping down gigantic draughts ofair and willed her, nay I prayed I actually prayed, that she would manage thetask I asked of her. Strength suddenly drained from my body and my arm dropped.But as the phone dropped I heard my Dad’s voice in the background, strong andclear, a steadying sound that had a calming effect. The phone probably droopedwith a splash into the pool of blood at my feet but I didn’t hear it nor did Icare, the pain consuming my every thought. The car shifted suddenly, settlinginto a position more in equilibrium with nature as my Form I Physics teacherliked to say, causing something above my head to dislodge and give me a blow!!
‘Qummph!! Ouch!!’
And I woke up! I had nodded off on my perch, my throne abovethe world! Hell that was a livid dream though. I instinctly moved my hands tomy stomach, I couldn’t help it and I just had to make sure I was in one piece.No hole, nor any pole there I thought and giggled hysterically. I must be goingmad, really, and one day these dreams of mine are going to roll me right offthe edge of the cliff!!
I yearned for companionship, yet I shied away from it whenfaced with it! I knew an old couple, both passed away now; whose situationreally gave me the shivers. The wife, Maria, had suffered a stroke and wasmostly paralysed; however her husband Gianni was more than glad to be able tocare for her day in day out! It was an example of pure love they shared and Itruly admired them. Time and age caught up with Maria though and she quietlypassed on to the other side. Gianni was distraught and spent the rest of hislife living in two worlds; during the day was his make-believe world where hewould wake up full of life and energy and go about the daily chores as if Mariawas still there. He would go for long walks after meals pushing his wife’swheelchair on which there would be her clothes neatly and carefully laid. Hewould hold long conversations with her and point out some interesting view, allthe time turning towards the chair and addressing it as if Maria was physicallysitting there! Yet at night, as the sun winks passed the horizon, reality setsin and he would cling to Maria’s nightdress and cry himself to sleep! Day inday out, Gianni went through the same routine of happy make-believe during theday and sad despair during the night! It wrenches my heart every time I thinkof Maria and Gianni! He’s there with her now though, and I can sense theircontentness as they gaze into each other’s hearts! Such passion terrifies me,safer to be alone than to risk such pain!
So, yup, although I am surrounded by friends and family, alla great lot, I am fast realising that as the years pile up on my shoulders I amveering towards being an “Alone Man”. Not lonely, no I am surely not lonely,but I prefer being alone! I yearn companionship yet prefer being alone!! Thatis what an “Alone Man” is all about!
‘Bye mum, I’m going out’
‘Bye Andy, where you going? Will you be home for dinner?’
‘Dunno mum, no plans as such, just out and about so don’twait for me.’ And with that I shot out of the house with mum’s last commentstinging my ears. ‘Don’t be late!!’, damn I’m not a kid anymore. How good itfeels to be able to get away from it all, to get out of the house and loosethat feeling of heavy chains that trap my every movement and thoughts.
There’s a place, far off from civilisation, that I lovegoing to when these moods grip me. A place of staggering beauty, breathtakingviews and fresh clean sea air. Best of all though is that it is devoid of anyhuman presence, except for mine that is. I have never told anyone about thisplace and never intend to as I hope it to remain my secret refuge from thedrone of life. The quiet peacefulness of it all, the imposing cliffs, thegorgeous and quite scrumptious sunsets, the caressing sea breeze and therelaxing drone of the surf crashing against the shoals far below are thingswhich I yearn for. Sitting on my favourite rock almost on the edge of thecliffs and gazing out at the sea I feel like I am soaring high above the worldfree as a bird.
‘Ummph, urgh!’ Oh hell, my legs are soaked… something warmand slippery is dribbling down them. ‘Arrrgh!’ What the heck I was thinking. There’s a puddle ofblood at my feet and I can feel the warm trickle down my legs. I couldn’t movethem, they seemed jammed or even disconnected from me and there’s somethingsticking out of my stomach!
‘Now where did that come from?’
My thoughts were confused, blackness rolling aroundthreatening to overpower conciousness at any moment. ‘Where am I?’, ‘Whathappened?’, ‘Why do I have a rod sticking in me?’ I was struggling to get mybearings as the last I remember I was sitting on my throne! I felt no pain and that made things all the moreunrealistic as my eyes were telling me one thing while my body was not feelingit. Trying to get a grip on my senses I began to explore my surroundings but itwas harder than I thought as every muscle seemed to be disconnected from mybrain and it took a great effort to get some reaction from them. Slowly I beganto recognise things…. There was a dash board in front of me, but where is thesteering wheel, ok that dash board looks familiar! Ok, I got it now… I’m in mycar, I must have had an accident, but dammit, I don’t even remember gettinginto the car and driving off. I looked around a bit more, hopefully trying toget a glimpse of the coutryside around me, trying to make sense of it all andmy eyes settled on my mobile, snuggling sitting in its holder totallyundisturbed. A luagh broke out as I thought of the advert of the holder ‘So theads were true’ I thought! The overhead clock blinked the time – 6.38pm – hmmm Iwas meant to be meeting a friend in less than an hours time but I doubt I wasgoing to make it seeing my current predicament. Reaching out for the phone myright arm refused to budge, damn, ‘try the left hand then’ I thought and wiggledmy fingers to check if it was going to respond. Oh, how glad I was when I sawthem wiggle away, such a basic action which in normal times would go totallyunnoticed brought a rush of unquenchable hope in me in a split second. Reachingout was awkward to say the least but I manage to grip the phone and heave itover so that I could squint at the dial. It seemed so much heavier than Iremember it to be! It took me a moment to remember what I had to do yet Imanaged to browse through my contacts and found Ken’s number soon enough andhit dial.
‘Hello??’ Ken’s inquisative and impatient voice rebounded inmy head.
‘Ken? Hey listen to me mate, I gotta problem and doubt I’llmake it in time! Had a bit of an accident I’m afraid!’ Damn that was tiring…but I had to get the message across. There was a slight pause before Ken replied and I wasbeginning to wonder if I imagined his answer.
‘Andy??’ he bellowed, as confirmation that I hadn’t, ‘Whereare you, are you ok?’
‘Ermmm, I dunno’ Yup, I suddenly realised I had no ideawhere the heck I was and rushing in, almost tumbling over that thought cameanother ‘was there anyone else involved in the accident?’ I must have takensometime thinking about that as Ken bellowed into my ears again.
‘Errrm, I dunno’ I said again, ‘somewhere along the westcoast road I believe!’.
I think Ken said something after that but soon the line wasdead and I decided to look around and maybe work out where I am. I wassurprised at the peace and tranquility around me. An eerie silence seemed tohave descended on my part of the world. I was quite shocked, surprised at thesize of the pool of blood collecting at my feet. ‘There can’t be much leftinside me’ I mumbled out aloud! Time seemed to be trickling by, my movements(the little movement I could manage) and my thoughts seemed slow and lethargic,yet my eyes captured the surroundings as if I was watching a movie onfast-forward. It was as if time was running at two speeds concurrently. Time!For some reason thinking about time made me think of Mum & Dad. Asfrustrated as I might get when at home I still love my family loads, oceansfull actually, and I was debating whether to call home or not. I knew, if I didcall home, that I would cause a massive panic. In the end, maybe a minute, maybean hour later, who’s to tell with time bending and twisting as it was, Idecided to call and dialed my home number. The phone rang and rang, ages seemto have flown past me while I waited for someone to pick up that phone.
‘Come on Mum, I know you’re home!’ I said under my breadth!All my thoughts were being uttered, better to try and combat the silence whichhad descended on my world. ‘Come on!!’ I said again, willing someone to pick itup!
It always happens this way doesn’t it! As you’re about togive up on waiting and about to cut off someone answers. They always seem tosense the urgency of such a call.
‘Hello?’ Mum’s quavering voice…
‘Hi Mum, listen I got a problem….’
‘Are you alright, are you hurt, where are you……..’
I could sense her building up the panic as she rattled thequestions out frantically but I was impotent at quelling that panic. I justdidn’t have the energy to stem the tide.
‘Hold on, hold on… slow down Mum… listen….’ I said weaklyhoping she’ll listen..
‘Ok’ a small and weak whisper was her reply which meant shewas on the verge of hysterics but was bravely trying to fight!
Attamum, I thought feeling proud of her, but why must you beso quick to panic, I haven’t told you anything yet!
‘Mum, I need you to call an ambulance quick, tell them I gota stomach injury and I’m bleeding bad. I’m somewhere along the west coast road!Will you do that for me mum??’
Mum’s breathing was heavy and in thick and choking voice shemumbled something which sounded like an acknowledgment.
‘Mum?? You got that? I’m feeling tired Mum, and its startingto hurt like hell, I’m going to put the phone down mum, please call theambulance..’ I could hear her sobbing, gulping down gigantic draughts ofair and willed her, nay I prayed I actually prayed, that she would manage thetask I asked of her. Strength suddenly drained from my body and my arm dropped.But as the phone dropped I heard my Dad’s voice in the background, strong andclear, a steadying sound that had a calming effect. The phone probably droopedwith a splash into the pool of blood at my feet but I didn’t hear it nor did Icare, the pain consuming my every thought. The car shifted suddenly, settlinginto a position more in equilibrium with nature as my Form I Physics teacherliked to say, causing something above my head to dislodge and give me a blow!!
‘Qummph!! Ouch!!’
And I woke up! I had nodded off on my perch, my throne abovethe world! Hell that was a livid dream though. I instinctly moved my hands tomy stomach, I couldn’t help it and I just had to make sure I was in one piece.No hole, nor any pole there I thought and giggled hysterically. I must be goingmad, really, and one day these dreams of mine are going to roll me right offthe edge of the cliff!!
I yearned for companionship, yet I shied away from it whenfaced with it! I knew an old couple, both passed away now; whose situationreally gave me the shivers. The wife, Maria, had suffered a stroke and wasmostly paralysed; however her husband Gianni was more than glad to be able tocare for her day in day out! It was an example of pure love they shared and Itruly admired them. Time and age caught up with Maria though and she quietlypassed on to the other side. Gianni was distraught and spent the rest of hislife living in two worlds; during the day was his make-believe world where hewould wake up full of life and energy and go about the daily chores as if Mariawas still there. He would go for long walks after meals pushing his wife’swheelchair on which there would be her clothes neatly and carefully laid. Hewould hold long conversations with her and point out some interesting view, allthe time turning towards the chair and addressing it as if Maria was physicallysitting there! Yet at night, as the sun winks passed the horizon, reality setsin and he would cling to Maria’s nightdress and cry himself to sleep! Day inday out, Gianni went through the same routine of happy make-believe during theday and sad despair during the night! It wrenches my heart every time I thinkof Maria and Gianni! He’s there with her now though, and I can sense theircontentness as they gaze into each other’s hearts! Such passion terrifies me,safer to be alone than to risk such pain!
So, yup, although I am surrounded by friends and family, alla great lot, I am fast realising that as the years pile up on my shoulders I amveering towards being an “Alone Man”. Not lonely, no I am surely not lonely,but I prefer being alone! I yearn companionship yet prefer being alone!! Thatis what an “Alone Man” is all about!
